People keep saying that they’re praying for us/me.  I find it hard to accept.  If this is what I feel like while people are praying… 

Well, apparently I’m just not in a good place.  It seems self-absorbed to be so desperately depressed when others are actually grieving, but it is still what’s going on for me.  I spend a lot of time just trying not to lose it.

I wish that I could be strong and supportive for Mr. Swiv.
I wish that I could be always smiling like Martha. I want to laugh often and easily like Colette. I wish that I was everyone’s good friend, as Ben was. Maybe funerals and memorials aren’t advisable places to be when you’re depressed.

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